Why you are being Ghosted and how to Avoid it

Welcome back to the podcast this week, and I'm going to cover this week a subject which I thought I was sure I covered.

And I've looked through my records and I can't see that I have.

And I'm a bit like, wow, if I haven't covered this, that I need to cover it today.

And it's all about being ghosted.

Why are you being ghosted on deals and opportunities?

If I, when I do training, when I talk to people about what I do as a sales trainer and mentor and people, that someone helps people get better sales results.

One of the, you know, I was actually with a prospect the other day who's a couple of customers going to do some training with them in January.

And one of the things that I said to them are, you know, common problems people have is getting ghosted.

Yeah, that happens to us.

So I'm guessing if you're listening to this and you've ever been ghosted on a deal, and what I mean by ghosted is that you've talked to someone, they've had a conversation with you, you've had a discussion with them, and suddenly after a little while of doing the meetings and a couple of discussions, it's all gone quiet.

Then I'm going to share with you.

There are four key things that I think that cause ghosting to happen, and we'll talk through those four things and give you some tips on how you can solve it.

So this might be one of my most important podcasts yet, actually, if I've not done it because it's such a key point and it's an area that so many people seem to struggle with.

So let's talk about that.

Let's break it down into four things, and I'm gonna.

I'm gonna give you the four.

The four areas, and then I'm gonna go into them in a bit more detail.

So the four what, what causes ghosting, in my humble opinion, from working in a sales environment for a long period of time or working with lots of people, there are.

The four things are, firstly, human nature and who we are, what we do as humans.

Okay, that's the first thing we're going to cover.

The second point around ghosting is not asking enough of the right questions.

And I'm going to come on to that in a second.

The third point around ghosting is around not spotting and responding well enough to the human signals that you get from a buyer.

And the fourth point is the way you are and the energy you give off in a deal.

So those are the four things that I think come down to ghosted.

There is a fifth point.

There is a fifth area to this, potentially, which is other circumstances out of the.

Outside of the buyer's control.

But invariably, most buyers, if budget's been cut from their budgets or money's been cut from their budgets or something's happened, will actually tell you.

They'll phone you and say, hey, look, we're having a problem because of this, this, and this is going on.

They won't just ignore ghosting happens where we literally think, what went wrong?

I saw something.

It was there and it wasn't.

I mean, it was there and then suddenly it's not there.

And it comes down to the four things that I'm going to dig into in a bit more detail.

So there are a couple of other reasons, by the way, if you think you've listened to these four reasons, do you think there's others?

Let me know.

Let me know in the comments.

I'd love to know your thoughts.

To reach out to me on social media.

I've had loads of people recently connect with me on LinkedIn who have listened to the podcast, and I really appreciate that.

I listen to every.

I reply to every message.

I take a request as well.

So if you've got a subject you want me to cover in the podc, I'm actually going to do a couple of podcasts, a smaller podcast soon, around questions that people ask me from a sales situation.

I'm going to cover those off as well.

But, yeah, reach out to me, but let me know if there's other things that you think could, you know, cause you to be ghosted.

But here's the four things from my perspective.

So the first thing is human nature and how we buy and do things and how we operate as humans and why people don't spot this in sales deals, I'm not quite sure, but people, it's the nature of the game.

It's why I'm who I am, do what I do.

So as humans, we are.

We are born by our caveman and instincts to protect ourselves.

And we.

If you go back to the most simplest forms of what we want, we want.

We want the basic elements to protect ourselves, to fight off fears, okay?

To.

To cure and to challenge and to make sure that no one can hurt us and kill us.

And.

And also we then want to make ourselves, you know, have warmth and, you know, heat and food, okay?

And to protect ourselves and to.

To look after ourselves.

So I always talk to people.

People only buy for two reasons, and those Reasons are either a pain or a big pain point or a, you know, challenge that they've got.

And sometimes that can be fear or a problem, but it's a problem or a pain or an issue they've got or a desire to do something different themselves.

And ultimately we need to tap into those elements when we're having conversations with people because if the desire isn't there or the pain isn't there, then people aren't always going to buy things.

But go back to human nature.

So if you think about what we, what we do, we literally as humans, we protect ourselves and yeah, gang back to the sort of the caveman sort of time, you know, times when, when, when man first on the earth, they would be nervous around, you know, seeing someone come to, you know, let's say you were in a cave and you're, you're, you're a caveman.

Someone came to your cave door, you'd be protecting yourselves.

You'd be putting the barriers up because you're thinking they're going to put you.

So human beings are very much the same way that when they're engaging with any buyer, they're automatically thinking, this person's going to take advantage of me.

This person's going to try and do not unwell to me, but is going to try and get one over on me.

And the clever salespeople understand that and understand the way humans think.

And they understand that because humans will do that.

We've got to approach things in a different way in terms of our sales approach.

That's why I talk a lot about building rapport and building relationships and engaging with people in the right way.

But so firstly, humans, you know, will, will do things to protect themselves, which will mean that they won't tell you everything in, in, in, in, in the way in which they, they want you to.

They'll.

They will.

I always say to people, your buyers are like an onion.

They have layers to them.

And one of the problems that happens with ghosting is people don't spot these layers and deal with the superficial layer rather than getting into the real nuts and bolts of what's going on with the person to get to the, you know, great salespeople, get to the third and fourth layer to really understand what's driving something, a situation.

To then know if there, there or not to.

To make things, to move things forward.

So firstly, you know, always understand that as humans we, you know, of course, and most people are more skeptical than ever of salespeople because unfortunately so many people sell badly.

I say This a lot.

About 75, 80, maybe 85% of people sell badly.

They sell based upon what right for them, not what's right for the.

The other person they're selling to.

And therefore, because of that, buyers put up barriers and they protect themselves.

And they're in a position where that human nature that they buy selfishly.

And so one of the first things you've got to think about when you're being ghosted is to think about, did you really understand what was driving that person?

And whether it's our company or an individual person, it's the same thing.

What was driving that person to do what you wanted them to buy, to make that decision?

And most of the time, people will protect themselves, both mainly because of the.

The fact that they want to.

To obviously stay alive, but.

But also because we all have egos and pride as human beings.

And so when we've got this ego around who we are and what we're about, very few people want to feel minuscule and tiny and not important and.

But ghosting happening.

Classic case of ghosting.

Someone will tell you that they're the decision maker, they're not the decision maker because there's other people involved to have the budget.

But you didn't ask the right question.

And we'll come on to that in a moment.

And because it's far easier for them to protect themselves and their own credibility and ego, they'd rather ghost you and ignore you and hope you go away than answer the phone and say, hey, you know, I know I told you that I was responsible for this deal and the budget, but actually I wasn't.

I lied.

I'm not a person responsible.

There's someone else that's responsible, and they don't want to do this.

They would rather do.

They would rather ghost you and hope you go away than deal with the issue.

And as humans beings, we are so bad at dealing with.

With some of those issues.

A lot of the time I often think of, you know, situations and people that I. I know and friends and conversations have had where people have not spoken anymore and they'd rather just, you know, see someone in the supermarket and turn away and hope that that person will go away than actually deal with the issue.

So the, the reality is we protect ourselves as humans.

We protect ourselves around money, we protect ourselves around our importance, or we protect ourselves around the, you know, the elements of how much we, you know, we tell people about who we are and how much we open ourselves up to.

So you have to understand this.

And if you don't understand.

They keep, you keep getting ghosted, you'll keep getting ghosted.

Become an absolute wizard in understanding the way people think and the way people operate.

And you're going to be in a far better position to, to, to take things forward and to stop yourselves being, being.

And it's, it's just a, it's a skill that I think I've developed over my career.

It's a skill I teach and train.

If you want to learn how to get better at this, I can teach you.

But it's definitely about being able to spot and understand what's driving the buyer to do some things.

And it's not about because they want to buy your product or service.

It's because they want to help themselves solve a pain or, or, or, or to, to make sure that they prevent a pain or to get something in place that they want to, to grow.

But it's not because they want to work with you.

And you know, you've always got to bear in mind that they will, they will.

Sometimes they don't mean to lie to you, but they will tell you things in order to protect their ego and their situation, their circumstance.

And you've got to be aware of that.

So the first thing is human nature.

So how can you spot that?

How can you deal with that?

That then comes down to point number two, which is asking enough of the right questions.

If I had a pang for every time I think people have been ghosted or I would have said to them, the reason you've been ghosting is because you didn't address the right questions and ask the right question questions and then address the energy that, that comes from that afterwards, which is point number three, which we'll talk about in a moment.

So questions are the key to see sales success.

And questions around the way in which you ask things is that it's just, it's just so important.

And invariably you get ghosted mainly around three or four different areas.

First is the pain or the desire.

You didn't dig enough into that.

And we'll talk about that in a moment.

You also probably get ghosted around budget because you didn't deal with the money issue well enough or that you didn't create enough value between what you sell your service for and what the buyer's buying it for, around the decision making process, the authority, the sign off.

You didn't get clarification on that and you didn't get com, you know, asked enough questions around their alternative or what they could do or the competition that they have at the moment.

So, and let me, let me talk about these in a bit more detail.

And I've, by the way, I've fallen foul of this.

I've been ghosted myself, right?

So I'm not sitting here saying to you, I've never been ghosted.

I'm perfect sales.

It's not the case.

I, I've been ghosted.

But when I look back at what, why that happened, invariably it's because I didn't ask the right question or I didn't want to deal with the response that I was going to get.

So, for example, especially around the budget issue, that's a common issue in selling, where you want to sell your service and let's say your service costs two and a half thousand pounds and you want to sell your service at that figure, but you're a bit nervous about the pricing, you're a bit nervous about talking about money or you, you know, the buyer, you get indications in the conversation that the buyer doesn't think things are worth spending money on or whatever else.

So therefore you go, okay, I'll just hope it'll be okay.

I'll just put the price into the, in the proposal and send it to them and they'll wait to see to them.

And what happens when you send a proposal to a buyer?

Most people look at the price straight away and go, it's more than I thought or, okay, it's in line with what I thought, okay.

And they'll make a decision based on whether they want to engage with you, based around if they have the authority.

And we'll talk about that in a moment.

But if you didn't deal with the money issue well enough, they're probably gonna basically ignore you or ghost you, because it's far easier to say because most people don't.

Again, 90 of the world doesn't want to, you know, give confrontation.

Most people don't want to be, Most people don't want to pick up the phone.

So sorry, the price that you sent that through through is not enough.

Is, is not, I don't think it's worth that.

I'm not prepared to pay for that.

A few people will there' of the world that will do that.

They're quite direct.

They'll tell you it directly.

But most people will don't want to be comfortable.

They don't want to be rude.

They don't want to be that direct.

So what they'll do, they'll, they'll give you other excuses.

They'll say, oh yeah, yeah, I need to have a Little, you know, we've, you know, we'll have a think about that or, or again, they'll ghost you because I think, oh, I can't tell on that person that it's, it's the price is too much because.

Or what will they think of me?

Well, they might think that I've got the money for that and, or they might think that, you know, I led them down the line and I misled them and all these different things.

So therefore they'll ignore you.

It's easier to ignore.

So how do you deal with that budget issue?

You deal with the budget issue by being open and sharing at the right time what the service that you offer can look like and the different ways of doing that by, you know, the great, great issue technique that I will use is the range question.

Typically when people are investing in services from, and training services for me, over a six to eight week period, they're investing between 15 and 25.

Okay, how does that fit in with your budget plans?

And then we watch the signals and the reactions which we'll talk about in point three in a minute.

Or it may well be, you know, have you gone about investing in areas like this before?

How do you go about ensuring that you put enough money in the budget or what sort of figures would you be putting in the budget to cover for something like this?

Or when, when you look to make investments, how do you define the returns?

If you were to invest 15k, what sort of return would you want to get and how does that fit in with your plans and what sort of numbers, you know, feel comfortable to you?

You've got to ask those questions and watch the signals that you get back, especially around budget.

But you've also got to dig into the, the pain or the desire that that's causing them to want to look at the solution in the first place as well.

On one of the biggest, you know, I, I have a little phrase called pip, you know, pain, impact, priority.

What's the pain or that your, that your buyer is, is, is trying to solve or trying to fix.

Again, you know, going back to my toothache example that I use, if you've got toothache, the impact is likely to be significant on your life because you're probably, you know, one of my team.

Recently, Abby had a major toothache, major problems.

Her pain was significant.

She had to go to hospital and get, because he had an abscess and get this, this tooth taken out.

The impact on it.

Well, she wasn't in work for three days because she was drugged up.

On tramadol and all these other painkillers because the pain was so intense for her.

And the priority, okay, which is the final P of pip is was that she wanted to get it solved straight away because she couldn't focus on anything else when she was doing it.

So if you don't dig in enough to the pain and the impact and the challenge that this is causing your customer or your prospect, sorry, then they're going to ghost you potentially.

And asking questions such as, look, how long, how long have you had this issue for?

What's the implications of not solving this issue?

What would happen if in three to four months time you still have this issue?

Or where does this fit within your priority list right now?

Amongst other things, number at the bottom, in the middle, at the top.

Tell me what, what would you know?

What's, what's causing the, what's the impact on you and the rest of the company by not getting this resolved?

And by the way, I'll put a link into.

I have 52 questions that you can ask different types of questions, not ask them all, but you can ask them and use them in your toolbox.

And I'll put a link in, in fact, to my link to my website where you can download these, these resources and these questions.

But you have to ask the right questions in the right way if you're to avoid being ghosted.

And you have to ask them the right question.

And typically in most of these situations, they are what or how questions.

But asking them in the right way is also critical.

You've got to adjust your tonality when you ask a question.

So if I'm asking a question around the implications of a particular challenge, I'm not going to say, oh, what's the implication of that?

I said, tell me more.

What's been going on with that?

What's the imp.

What would happen if you don't get that fixed?

So my tonality will change.

And again, I teach and train this to people at different points in the conversation so you can emphasize certain words so the other person listening and hearing you can really see that you're focused on them, not just trying to talk, you know, and be a typical salesperson.

So sorry to interrupt the podcast, but if you've got a sales issue at the moment that's really hacking you off, challenge me.

I'll help you solve it.

Reach out to me.

Drop an email at hello Amesworth Business, and I will help you solve your sales challenge.

There's not one I don't think I can't handle there's no sales issue that I can't resolve.

I've seen them all over my career.

I want to help you solve yours.

So reach out to me.

Let's make sure we handle your sales challenges and fix them so you can get back to smiling again.

Now back to the podcast.

So you, you've, you've got to ask the right questions in the right way, but also at the right time.

And timing is less of an assuring around ghosting.

Although sometimes people will, will ask, you know, too many questions too soon.

But most of the time in proposals, you're not asking the questions around the money.

How, how do you go about looking at an area like this to invest in or other organizations have invested between 10 to 20,000 to get this resolved?

How does that fit within your thought process?

You've got to ask these questions because there's no point you thinking it'll be okay and hoping and keeping your fingers crossed it'll be okay if you haven't dealt with the issue because all you're going to do is waste time sending a proposal that goes nowhere and get ghosted.

And we don't want that to happen.

So budget and money and the amount it costs is key.

And by the way, a lot of people struggle with monies and what it takes and talk about it.

And a lot of time they struggle is because they haven't practiced talking about the price enough.

So one of the things I encourage you to do, a really simple little thing you can do, is let's say the price for your, one of your services or one of your products is 15,000.

Add a few thousand pounds to it.

It's always better to go higher and then come down and just practice it.

The price for Our service is 18,000.

The price for our service is 18,000.

The Price for our service is 18,000.

Repeat that time and time again.

So, so much so that when you then get asked question, what's this going to cost me?

You can say, look, typically organizations that we're working with are investing between 18 and 20,000 in this solution.

How does that feel for you?

How does that sound for you?

How does that look fit within your budget plans?

How would that work from your perspective?

And we'll then come on to the third point in a minute about how you then respond to the signals that people give you.

Because that's the other key thing.

But questioning is critical.

It's like you're getting ghosted because you're not asking enough.

Most of the Time you didn't ask enough of the questions in the right way.

And the other two areas around, like I mentioned, around questioning are authority.

So again, who is making the decision?

Again, this specifically is important when it comes to engaging with B to c, you know, B2C buyers, especially couples and families that you're working with.

You don't realize half the time that there are other people involved in the decision.

I lost a deal once to a, to a CEO and I lost the deal because I hadn't asked enough of a question as to who else would he would, he would have a conversation with, around this opportunity and the element to work with me.

I assumed because he was a CEO, he was the number one person and guess what?

He wasn't.

There was a shareholder involved who actually held the purse strings quite tight and meant that he, he kept the control of over spending which meant that the CEO didn't really have the ability to go and do things in the way he wanted to.

And therefore when I, because I hadn't asked the question of who else will you consult around an investment opportunity like this?

Or who else will, will be looking at this and thinking is this a good thing to do?

Or who will you chat about in terms of, well, how does the decision process work at your organization?

Or tell me more about your, you know, how you go about making decisions.

Who do you like to consult normally in order to make sure you're making the right decision?

If you haven't asked those questions around authority in the same ways around budget, you're going to come a cropper, you're going to get ghosted.

Because again, like I said at the start, very few people want to say, oh sorry, it wasn't my decision.

I'm not that important to make that decision on that thing there.

It's not my decision at all.

So I'm really sorry I led you down the path and gave you, you know, you did a proposal for me.

They're just going to ghost you because it's easier to ghost than it is to deal with the actual issue of saying that they couldn't give you the decision you needed to.

So authority is, is critical.

The other element I would also talk in.

Yeah and there's some models, there's a, there's a video on my YouTube channel around Bant.

Bant is a sales criteria qualification model.

That's a useful one to look at.

But the, the other one I also have done on my YouTube channel is Med pick.

There's a number of things around ghosting.

Key thing about Ghosting is you've got to make sure that you clarify these, you know, these core elements and the final one around that is the competition or the alternative.

So one of the things that you know, when someone's looking to make an investment in any service or product, the question is what are they doing right now and how have you created enough value in the mind of that person to make them think that you're worth investing in?

And it's better than what they've got right now, it's better than the status quo.

And the alternative in lots of cases is the status quo, it's what they have right now.

So therefore you've got to be able to ask the questions around who else, the competition or the alternative.

So for example, take if you're in the car space, your, you know, some say someone's got a car, the alternative is for them to stay as they are and keep their car at the moment.

But it might well be that, that, you know, creates, you know, some challenges for them because the car's got high mileage and potentially is going to break down and have some challenges.

So what, what's the, what would, you know, stop you from keeping with where you are at the moment?

Going back to my questioning, you know, what would be the implications of not invested in something new and, and how could that affect your day to day life and work and what worries would that give you?

So again, you're probing to find out how the alternative or what they've currently got makes it, you know, is a challenge for them.

But then if you' car's position, I'd be then saying, look, be honest with you, you're probably looking, because you're probably looking at a few different options for cars at the moment.

Be honest with me, who else are you chatting and looking at?

Which other options, which other models, which other scenarios are interesting to you?

And they might say, oh well, I'm looking at this one or this one.

Great, thank you for being so honest.

Tell me, out of interest, what is it you like about ours and what do we miss compared to those guys?

And let's deal with those issues because it may well be that again, you do a proposal or an outline to do something and you think you've covered all of the things that matter to the buyer, but there's something else that you haven't covered because you haven't asked a question that was covered by an alternative provider that they go actually in the end means more to them than not.

And again, by asking the questions how important you Know if they say, you know, if someone says, oh, we're looking at some other competitors, great.

How, tell me a bit more about you, who you're talking to.

What are the, what are the key things you're going to be looking for when you engage with that other provider?

What are the key things that are important for you?

And so you've really just got to make sure that you're understanding that people do have an alternative and the alternative is also staying as they are.

And you've got to be able to dig in and find out what's going to drive them to change is the biggest thing for any humans and for businesses because they, they all don't think that things are going to be as good as you say they will.

I, I have this conversation so many with so much of people I work with.

If you could trans, you know, put your buyer into the, you know, like the car and put them six months in the future, they could see your solution working and all being brilliant and solving the problem that they've got, they would buy.

But it's because they don't believe that.

They're not sure it will do that.

Our job, as we talk about in sales, is to give them that, that belief and trust to show them that can, that it can happen.

But you've got to understand what you're competing with because if you don't and you haven't asked the right questions to understand that and in the right way, then, then you're going to get lost that and lose to opportunity.

And I've had people say to me that they've been ghosted and then they've suddenly seen that the organization has gone with another provider and they're like, I didn't even know someone else was in the mix.

It's like because you didn't ask the right question, you didn't see what else their alternative was.

So, yeah, I focus quite a lot on questioning because it is so critical in terms of ghosted.

And invariably when you, when you look at it, it's we, we often don't ask the question because we're afraid of the answer.

We're afraid of the answer and we're afraid that if we get the answer that we don't like, then we lose the deal and suddenly the opportunities and the dollar sign, the pound signs in our eyes go down and suddenly.

But we're better off sometimes to know that than we are to be thinking that it's all great and be ghosted.

That's not what we want.

So questioning this is key.

And again, when I do training, by the way, lots of people reach out to me if I can help with you with your business and some training and come and have a chat.

Some always open to doing that.

But the third angle, and this is the third point around, you know why you get ghosted.

And this is probably one of the most critical parts of this, is you didn't understand the signals that you were given.

And again, I think there's so many people in this space of body language and soft skills that are critical.

And the responses that you get back from people you talk to when you're having sales conversations and before you're going to put a proposal together is critical.

Chris Voss, in his book Never Split the Difference, talks around the three yeses or three responses.

There's the counterfeit, there's the confirmation, the commitment.

And I think it's so, so such pain.

He was the FBI negotiator for people with hostages, so he was pretty good at what he did.

I mean, I think it's so powerful to look in sales to.

To understand the reaction and response you get, whether in the tonality that people say it to you, whether in the body language, the gestures.

There's another video on my YouTube channel around bodies language and body gestures.

You should look out for in the way they.

They say things, their tonality.

If.

If you can become an expert at being able to spot signals and respond well enough to them, then you can avoid being ghosted because you can deal with them there and then.

So let's take a good example of that.

So an example might be, you might say, but the investment for your sale, I might say to someone, the investment for some training might be, you know, 10 to 15K.

How does that fit in with your plans?

And what Chris Voss would say is that people give you a. Yeah, you give you one or three yeses.

And those yeses might either be, yeah, it feels okay.

Yeah, it feels okay, or it might be, yeah, it feels okay, or yeah, yeah, it feels okay, it feels fine.

Now, if you listen to those sort of three areas, yeah, yeah, it feels okay.

Yeah, yeah, it feels okay.

Yeah, yeah, it feels fine.

The last one is what I would call a commitment.

Yes, they're happy with it.

The number's fine in their head.

You can tell it in the tonality of their voice.

The middle one is a 50.

50.

They're going, I think that's okay.

But I probably need to see a few things for it.

And the first one is more of a.

It's what Chris Voss would call a counterfeit.

Yes.

It's like, yeah, yeah, that's okay.

Because they don't want to tell you.

Go back to what I said at the start, that that figure is too much for them.

Oh, no, I can't afford that.

Some people will.

Some people will.

That's fine.

But most people will say, oh, okay, yeah, fine.

And what most sales people do is they have happy ears.

They listen to what they think they're hearing.

Oh, the person said it's okay, but they don't really mean it.

And I always give this example when I'm training.

It's like, you know, when I.

She said to my wife, you know, last year, I'm gonna go and play golf this Saturday with the boys and have a couple of beers afterwards.

Is that okay?

I'll go, yeah, that's fine.

Now I know that it's not fine.

I could listen to what I was saying, the signals that she was given, the way she said it, how it was done.

It was not fine.

It was most definitely not fine.

But if I'd have had happy years and been in, you know, in many cases, a normal man and just kept listen to what I thought I'd heard, I would have gone off and done that, and I'd come back and I' a situation to deal with.

But what I actually did at the time, which is what I encourage people to do and train people to do, is to deal with the issue.

And the best way to deal that is to take it on yourself.

Okay?

I say to people, you know, when.

When people will.

You know, my wife said that to me.

I said, hey, I'm.

I'm just sensing that you're not sure about that.

You're not overly happy.

Be honest with me.

What are you thinking?

And she then said, no, I actually had plans, and we worked it out, and we did.

I did my golfing beers, but at a different time.

So when you're having that conversation with someone, when they come back and say, yeah, yeah, it's fine around a budget question or around the decision around the competition to say that, hey, hey, it could be me.

It could be that I've got this badly wrong, and if it is, my apologies.

And again, I'm holding my hands over watching the video.

I'm holding it could be me, but I just sense that you weren't sure about that, that didn't feel quite right or that didn't really sit within your plans or was not what you expected.

Be honest with me.

What are you thinking?

Or what you're thinking.

And when you give people the license to be honest in that way, they'll then probably say, well, actually it is quite a lot more than I was expecting.

Okay, okay, great, thanks for letting me know that.

What were you expecting it to be?

And they might then tell you, I was expecting it to be seven, eight thousand pounds or whatever.

And then you can go, right, okay, now you know that.

So now you know that's the figure.

You can then start to open up the conversation with other questions around.

Okay, tell me what made you think it was that was the right figure or, or talk me through what you'd need to see to comfortable investing a little bit more.

Or if you were to Invest, you know, 15,000 and double what you've put in in place at the moment, what would have to happen to make that happen?

And because you're engaging in that way and you're dealing with the issues there and then you're overcoming the challenge before the per.

You get to a stage where you do a proposal and then get, then, then get ghosted.

So watching and giving the responses back to the signals you get is such a key part of sounds question is important.

The responses you get, that's why you're getting ghosted, is because you are not reading the signals, you are not reading the signs.

You are not looking and seeing and going, okay, they don't really mean what they say there.

And a really good example, again, I use my, my lovely wife as a good example of that.

You know, I remember going to a restaurant in London a couple of years ago.

We went to this lovely restaurant, nice, quite posh, quite expensive, and had this food.

And the waiter came over halfway through and she ordered a meal.

I could sort of sense something.

She wasn't overly happy in some cases with the meal.

She was just sort of picking at the food a little bit.

And the waiter came over and she said, said, you know, she said, is everything okay?

Is everything okay?

Your meal?

And she looked up and said, yeah, lovely, thank you, thank you.

And as we walked out of the restaurant, she was like, I'm not going there again.

That was awful.

And I was like, well, why didn't you tell him that?

Oh no, I don't want to tell him that.

We're human beings.

Going back to the humans, understanding humans, most people want to avoid confrontation.

So therefore they'd rather say to you, it's fine and lead you into thinking that it was okay rather than actually dealing with the issue.

Now, that's that waiter, that person could have and should have probably if they'd been given the right training, been been taught how to be able to respond and engage with.

They weren't given the right training.

And because they were given the right training, they said, oh, it's all great.

And in the end, they've now lost the customer, you know, lost.

Yeah, that person's not going to go back because they didn't read the signals.

So you've got to read the signals, you've got to read the signs.

I'm going to probably do a bit more around maybe a podcast on reading signals.

It's the most critical thing of selling, I think, that you can have.

But if you can't read the signals and the signs and the responses that people give you and qualify those there, and then you're going to think it's okay, you're going to put a proposal together, you're going to send it back and they're going to look and go way, way, way more.

And I thought, no, no, don't.

It didn't want.

Oh, yeah, it was more than thought.

I'll ignore it.

Easier to ignore than to create confrontation.

So point number four.

And then point number four.

So we've dealt with this around understanding human beings, how they operate, right?

Questions, human signals.

And the fourth point is your energy and what I mean by your energy.

So many salespeople in sales situations are desperate.

They appear desperate, they come across as desperate, and because of that, you get ghosted because your energy stinks.

And your energy, and I mean that harshly, but honestly, your energy stinks of someone that wants the business too much and therefore isn't taking into account the way someone else is and basically comes across as someone that is too desperate for the deal.

And because of that, you get ghosted because people would.

Would think, oh, I don't want to work with that person.

That felt a bit not quite right.

And oh, I don't want to tell them it, because again, I don't want to tell them that they're a bit too.

It's easy just to ignore them.

So, you know, I've said this so many times.

Desperation is a stinky aftershave or perfume.

If you're too keen for the business, if you're too, you know, keen to get them any enterprise.

Is that okay, everyone?

Okay?

Or do I love to work with you?

Can we, can we work with you?

Can we work together?

Together?

You.

You're gonna get.

You're gonna get ghosted.

People just don't want to see that.

And, you know, having this, you know, this sometimes be Described as with or without you energy.

So it's energy that says, I'm gonna, I, I'm good at what I do.

I'm helping out lots of people.

I'm happy to work if I can, but hey, if it's not right for you, then no dramas.

And I will often say in sales situations, if I'm not the right fit, hey, I'll see if I can recommend someone else.

And that works because people then don't think that I'm being desperate.

They feel that they.

I'm open to.

I'm giving them the chance to say, hey, if you want to tell me that it's not right, that's okay.

And because I give them that chance to do that, they feel more comfortable.

And therefore, at least they'll be able to.

I'll be able to handle the response there and then, or I'll be able to make sure that I'm not going to share the proposal with them.

And then they're gonna, they're gonna ghost me.

So your energy and the way you approach it is key.

If you're, if getting ghosted too often, just review back and look back at how you were in those meetings.

Were you too keen to get the deal done?

Maybe because you haven't got your numbers in the right place.

The only deal you've got, I don't know.

But if you're too desperate and if it comes across as desperation, then you're going to find that people just.

It feels a bit un.

And again, because of this human nature thing I talked about, they're gonna, they're gonna want to not tell you that.

They're gonna basically ignore you because it's easier to do that than call you out on it.

So look, those are the things that I know from my experience are the things that cause you to be ghosted.

And I want you to fix them.

I want you to put in place.

And by the way, I fix these sales problems for people.

If you've got a sales situation, sometimes fix these problems by listening to calls from people.

I've listened to calls from sales people before and watch videos and they said, oh, that person ghosted me.

And I've watched the call and I've gone.

You know, when you said that there, did you watch their reaction?

And they've gone, no, okay, look back and see the reaction, the way that they went.

They looked as if to say, or sure.

They get.

They said something about, oh, I need to check with that or whatever.

And you didn't hear it.

So again, you know, you're getting ghosted fundamentally because you're not listening effectively to what's being said and you're talking too much rather than listening.

And that's the thing.

I've, you know, talked for a long time around, around, you know, sales is about listening rather than talking.

So look, ghosting is a pain.

It happens a lot to keep.

And there are times when it.

Again, like I say, there are unique situations.

Sometimes people get ghosted because people.

Circumstances have changed.

I remember doing business with someone a number of, you know, a number of years back, and I felt terrible about this.

And, and literally she, she, this lady didn't have any kids and she basically didn't reply back to me for a couple of weeks.

And I was like, a bit, you know, what's going on?

In the end, I picked up the phone and had a chat to her and she said, oh, two of my dogs had died and the dogs.

And I've not been in the mood to do anything.

I was like, okay, fair enough.

Some, sometimes circumstances do happen, but if you're continually getting ghosted, you have to look at these areas and work out what's causing it.

And it's generally one of the things that I've talked about above.

So I hope that helps you.

I hope that gives you an indication.

If it does, then reach out to me.

Let me know, please.

Just.

I love when people share stories of the fact that they've listened to episodes that are helping them.

I'd love it to be something that you guys can.

Yeah, let me know what's working for you and what if it's not working.

And if you can implement some of the things I've talked with, talked about and get the results and stop being ghosted, let me know as well.

I love sharing those positive stories with other people as well.

So we can help grow the podcast.

So as ever, I always do the podcast with an inspirational story and I wanted just to do the story today of a lady called Elizabeth Murray, who basically is a lady in America who was born in the 80s and she was basically born to some in a tough situation in the Bronx in New York.

And she was surrounded by drugs and lots of difficult scenarios and situations for most of her years, year, her yearly years.

And she was turned homeless when she was 15.

She had a huge amount of stuff going on and basically she had a, a really tough time.

But literally she was, she began attending a bit of a.

She had a chance to have a, a chance and someone gave her a chance.

And she attended this class.

And as A result of that, she got accepted to Harvard and now she became a, a career.

She started building an organization.

She's an inspirational speaker.

Speaker.

And I just use Liz Murray's case as an example of someone who, you know, was given an incredibly bad start, incredibly tough time, but just valued to change that situation, wasn't going to settle for that, didn't want that to be the case, and has now gone on and created a brilliant life for herself and her family as a result of that.

So, so to me, I think that's an inspirational story.

When I see people have come from nothing to achieve stuff, it makes me go, yeah, anyone can do it.

This is what we, we can certainly make happen.

So Liz Murray's your inspirational story for today.

Today.

If you've got an inspirational story as well, by the way, read it, send it to me.

I'd love to have some examples of your stories that you think inspire you as well.

But that's it for the podcast this week.

As ever, thank you so much for listening.

I hope you're going to be not be ghosted.

Now.

Ghosting is what we want to avoid.

I want you to make sure you're not ghosted and can win all the deals you want to and if it has been helpful, let me know.

But as if you can also do me a quick favor.

Can you review the podcast?

If you've listened so far and you think, yeah, I like this podcast that this guy James is sharing some stuff on.

Please rate it, review it in I've, you know, in, in whether it's in I on your Apple device or whether it's on Spotify or wherever you listen, please do review the podcast.

It can help me grow the podcast and you know, get make sure more people get to listen to the ideas.

Can help them get better sales results.

But that's it for this week.

Until next week.

Thanks for listening.

As ever, stay safe, keep selling, keep being taken control.

Remember, eat or be eaton.

It's yours for the taking.

And I'll see you next week.

Take care.

Bye.

So thank you so much for listening to this episode.

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